Growing Simplicity

Confessions of a Bad Gardener

2007-08-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been a lousy gardener this year. The newness of last year has worn off so I was less obsessive, but then it really all just went to pot. The front yard was never planted – I must at least pull all the weeds and the few dead plants out this weekend. I might be able to get my hands on a pressure washer to remove the paint from the walls enclosing my front yard, so if I can do that and then stain them as I’d like then it’s good I didn’t plant yet. It’d get ruined.

Most of the vegetables in the back are spent – I need to at least cut all the dead plants out at the soil line so it looks cleaner and then hopefully I can take care of the rest sometime in the next couple months.

The only things still producing right now: swiss chard (which is enormous) and carrots. I’ll leave the carrots their pot until the winter so they can get bigger. All that water and care on the two zucchini plants and I think I got six zucchini between them before this heat burnt them up. What a waste – for a container garden, I’m not planting it next year. One tomato plant got too overgrown and didn’t produce any real fruit (I’ll be better next year about pinching). The other tomato plant did give me a bounty last weekend and I got one perfect pot of sauce out of it. No more flowers in sight though. No sauce left for the freezer either – I may still get some in-season tomatoes from the store and make a big vat of sauce to freeze. I like my sauce better than the jarred stuff from the store. Eggplant – I think I got ten off the plant and that’s it. It’s triple-digit temps here and the plants are just not having any of it.

Neither am I.

Additionally, I was rather out of commission on the gardening front for the whole of July. Luckily God kept up with the watering for the most part by sending rain at the right times, until this week anyway. I was traveling so much between my wonderful trip to Mexico, then a business trip to Vancouver, BC – and I just had a whole lot of stuff break and go wrong at the same time so that I had to take care of those things to the detriment of the garden. Right now I just want to clean it so it doesn’t look a mess anymore.

The busy-ness of my life is going to continue, so I might get one or two new plants but I’m not going to obsess about a fall garden for 2007. Next year I’m planting a pasta sauce garden (2 tomatoes, 1 eggplant, herbs and garlic), greens and carrots in the spring, and that’s it. I love gardening but with my educational and volunteer pursuits I just won’t have the time to do much more than that. My garden looks so sad right now I hate to think of torturing any more plants than necessary. When I do plant my front yard, it will be with plants that thrive on neglect. I foresee a lot of lantana…

Mostly right now I just want to put something in the hanging basket by my front entrance even if it’s fake. It looks very empty there…

Roasted Eggplant Dip

2007-07-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

So I had great ambitions for yesterday but only one of them happened. I did weights at the gym on Tuesday for the first time in a month and woke up yesterday moving a lot like Frankenstein, so most of my cleaning and extra-spin-class ambitions did not come to pass. Went to my regular class this morning though.

I did clean the kitchen and cook the awesomest eggplant dip from my garden harvest for the neighborhood BBQ. Also studied my Spanish for about three hours accompanied by a Law & Order marathon. Heh. My new roommate came to the BBQ and met the neighbors. She’s going to fit in nicely, and now they’ll keep an eye on her during her first week when I’m not there, too.

Today I’m just preparing for my retreat this weekend. I’m really looking forward to this time at the monastery – it’s hard to believe I go tomorrow when it was three months ago I booked the weekend during a meltdown. The retreat is called “Listening to God,” and as usual the timing is about right.

Roasted Eggplant Dip á la Lady Marmalade

1 large regular eggplant or 7 small Japanese ones
6-8 roma tomatoes
6 cloves garlic
25 large fresh basil leaves
2/3 c. cottage cheese
2 tbsp. shredded asiago cheese
Salt and pepper
3 tbsp. Extra virgin olive oil

Preheat oven to 425. Peel and cut eggplant into chunks. Cut up tomatoes into ½” cubes. Peel garlic cloves and slice open. Oil a cookie sheet with one tbsp. of the oil. Place eggplant and garlic chunks at one side and tomatoes at the other. Drizzle the rest of the oil on top and add salt and pepper to taste. Place cookie sheet in oven and roast for 25-30 minutes. Remove from oven.

Put roasted eggplant and garlic into food processor or blender. Add cottage cheese. Blend thoroughly. Add most of the basil leaves – pulse only until the basil is in small pieces, not pureed.

Add mixture into a shallow cast iron or glass baking dish. Fold in the roasted tomatoes. Add asiago to the top. Bake uncovered for 15-20 minutes. Garnish with basil leaves and serve hot with pita chips. Bon Apetit!

Yo Soy Profesora Mia

2007-07-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

I’m sure I messed that up but it’s OK, I’m learning!

I thought I’d share the scheme I’ve devised to learn Spanish on my own, in case anyone else is interested in learning a language but can’t afford classes, or would simply rather work through it on their own schedule. There is a wealth of material out there for the disciplined self-teacher.

I’m going for a multi-pronged approach – basically trying to “immerse myself” as best I can so that I’ll learn quicker. #1, I broke out my old Learn Spanish in your Car tape set and have been listening (and speaking!) everywhere I drive. Which, with my commute, is a lot.

I’ve also subscribed to Coffee Break Spanish through iTunes – right now I’ve just subscribed to the free podcasts and am catching up on the last several months’ worth. I haven’t got an iPod but I listen on my computer at home. The podcasts are done by a couple of Scottish folk and are really delightful – right now even the basic lessons are still teaching me a few words that I didn’t know before and reviewing things I forgot. The podcast builds sequentially so they are getting progressively harder as time goes on. Still beginner, but that’s fine for me right now.

I’ve also wishlisted some materials from Amazon.com after reading several descriptions and reviews. I plan to order at least the first two books in a week or so.

The first one is

The Ultimate Spanish Review and Practice. It’s a big, fat hardcover book with CD Rom that is full of great review for all levels and also has lots of practice exercises and tests. I’ve wishlisted the companion book as well, which is The Ultimate Spanish Verb Review and Practice. I’m really rotten with the verbs and this book is meant to really solidify you, expanding on the first book and also full of exercises and visual representations on how the verb tenses work. To expand my vocabulary and put it to even more use, I’ve also wishlisted two beginner (to start) Spanish Readers with comprehension exercises in them: this and this.

With the “save if you order these two together”–type deals that Amazon has, I can get all of these for about $37.00 plus shipping. They all have rave reviews.

The last step is to find myself a meet-up group to practice with. They’re all downtown so far, but if I’m getting all this work at home for a total outlay so far of about $45.00 with shipping, a once-a-month trip downtown for some practice with others is pretty worth it. My plan is to work solidly on my Spanish for at least six months, perhaps nine, and then begin the same process to learn French while continuing my Spanish studies at the same time. By the time I graduate with my Master's, I'll need to know at least two languages in order to get international aid work - and perhaps even three depending on where I want to go, and I'd like to be way ahead of the game before starting at UGA in two years.

I’ll create a self-syllabus when my books arrive - likely after my return from Mexico, and post my reviews of the materials from Amazon after I’ve been able to work with them for a while.

Top Ten, June 2007

2007-06-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

Lists! My life is full of lists these days. It’s the only way I can keep track of a damn thing.

I got a roommate! She moves in July 14th. Thank God. Now I can go forward with life-plans and also halve my personal household environmental impact.
Speaking of “afford” –my last plumbing repair is finally done. More expensive than I wanted, but FINALLY nothing leaks anymore. When the water began to drip just faster than I could carry the daily bucketful out to the garden, I knew I couldn’t wait until next paycheck as planned. Though, now to water the garden, I’ll have to actually turn on the hose.
I gave my last yoga class last night without knowing that’s what it was. Found out afterward that my students are all traveling in July. Probably best that way – no weepy drama about “last class.” I do feel a bit empty though.
I let my director know I was done with choir too, aside from the occasional pop-back if I can fit it in. T’was awkward but OK. I’ll really miss singing with them.
I’m investigating online and podcast Spanish lessons since my new career will require at least two languages. I’m hoping to supplement those with a couple immersion courses, but right now a podcast sub with print supplements is all I can afford. I’ll make myself a syllabus as if I were in a real class. Thank goodness I’m already at least familiar - I wonder if I can get used teacher’s materials.
I’m supposed to hear back soon about my college app so I can get registered for my evening science class. I want that set.
I hate insurance drama-rama. JUST REIMBURSE ME.
Must get ready for Mexico mission trip this weekend, since I’m at my monastery retreat next weekend (can’t wait for that). I think I need to get some scrubs – are those cheap? I should go over the list. (HA. Another one.)
I am back at the gym now. Whoo! Taking it a bit easy since the surgical wound is still healing, but glad that I don’t have to play invalid anymore. Exercising after three weeks away, it’s been difficult “getting it back,” but I’m doing it and very glad to be there.
I think I sold the extra bed I had on Craigslist! Here’s hoping. Roommate is bringing her own bed. I should finally finish moving into my new room this weekend.

Wardrobe Re-Fashionista

2007-06-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

I was reading the Compact list today and someone linked to this blog Wardrobe Refashionista. Read the rules for their pledge.

It’s about “abstaining from the purchase of "new" manufactured items of clothing, for a period of 2 / 4 / 6 months. I pledge that i shall refashion, renovate, recycle preloved items for myself with my own hands in fabric, yarn or other medium for the term of my contract.”

It seems to me to be more about consumption in the guise of environmentalism, and here’s why. Work clothes and clothes for sports and school are excepted, though people are encouraged to try to make or buy those used. That’s fine, but why are work clothes excepted? Add the sports clothes (you do need to buy sports bras new), and that’s 75% of my wardrobe. For the record, most of my business clothes look great and you’d never know they are from Good Will. Even special “To Die For” occasions are excepted as long as you “confess.”

Additionally, members are expected to post their progress and achievements weekly. Weekly? The only thing I do every week related to my wardrobe is wash it (the dirty pieces). Granted, I’m single, but how many clothes does a person need to acquire/make on an ongoing basis that they’re expected to have weekly progress?

It just seems that a period of 2-4-6 months, when it comes to wardrobe, should be easy to abstain from getting or even making anything at all. What do we really, truly need that is not probably already in our closets that we can’t get through such a short period without consuming more?

It takes an incredible amount of Discipline to keep it together

2007-06-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen the film Monster? It’s about serial killer Aileen Wuornos, who was executed in Florida for killing several of her “johns.” It recounts her life of abuse, how she became a prostitute along Florida’s trucker highways in order to eat, her journey into mental illness, how she was victimized over and over again until finally she snapped and started killing her johns. She did this both to get their cars and money to eat, and also to end her cycle of being beaten and abused by them.

Today I met a potential Aileen Wuornos right here in Lawrenceville. Her name is Sandra Wilson.

I’d actually met Sandra last month at the Co-Op, but I hadn’t had the opportunity to really learn about her until today. Other volunteers last month expressed their frustration about how she would just come in and go any old where, picking up anything and eating it, and how she made the rounds of all the churches “taking advantage”. It’s plain to see that she is homeless, hasn’t really got anywhere to bathe or wash clothes, that she is mentally ill, that she has wounds and abscesses that will not heal.

Sandra looks about 60 years old from the way life has worn on her, but I bet really she isn't much over 40, if even that. There is a note in Sandra’s file from two years ago in which her interviewer had asked her, “What one thing do you want most in the whole world?” Sandra answered, “I just want a grave that I can lie down in.”

Today I learned that aside from sleeping under bridges and the like, Sandra is a prostitute. I don’t believe by choice – this woman is victimized. She is taken advantage of by lots of men with promises of food or something else she needs, and afterward she is sometimes paid and sometimes simply beaten. She is not on drugs, which is amazing. I'd want anything I could get my hands on to numb the pain. Linda bought her a week at the Villa Lodge extended stay today so she can have a break, as well as a place to bathe, wash clothes, and eat the week’s worth of food we gave her without it being stolen as it so often is. Sandra just got out of jail for stealing a bag of Chex Mix after not having eaten for two days.

When I was watching Monster, my constant thought as the plot unfolded was “Please stop hurting her!!!” While I can never condone murder, I can absolutely and without question understand, empathize, and relate to how someone with these experiences and that many years of abuse and dehumanization would be driven to that point. The fact that Sandra hasn’t cracked and killed one of her exploiters is a testament to God.

So Monster is not just a movie. It’s not just one woman’s journey through unfathomable abuse and violation into madness. It’s not even just Sandra’s story. There is an Aileen or a Sandra (or many) in every city in this country. The dirty homeless woman mumbling to herself is not just someone gross to get away from or to shoo along. She is a desperate soul who simply longs for sustenance and peace.

Next time I start to complaining, which I do a lot, seriously remind me that at least I don’t have to pay for any of my meals with blow jobs and broken jaws. Ever since yesterday morning I have been fervently praying not only for her earthly deliverance from hunger, mental illness, and physical, emotional and spiritual wounds, but that upon her death she be rushed straight up to heaven into the arms of Jesus without having to wait in any lines, and given a place of honor at the table. Sandra could really use the rest.

And let’s not forget – she lives in Lawrenceville, Gwinnett County. These ills are not limited to the inner city. They are right here in the suburbs. I often wonder if the gates on so many communities are to keep Sandra out, or just to allow people to continue wearing blinders.

Restaurant Confidential

2007-06-20T12:25:00.001-07:00

I think restaurant food is irritating me to the point that, save for a few favorites, I’m sticking to soups and salads for a while. I was unexpectedly invited to dinner last night for a surprise family occasion and had the veggie burger – which was not only huge but double-patty and was just far too much food. And that’s WITH saving most of the side and half the burger for today. (And especially after gorging on the spinach dip first because my blood sugar had fallen too low.)

I eat out so rarely now (almost exclusively special occasions), that when I do I am just astonished by the amount of food and the deep-fried quality to it, how heavy it is.

I ate the other half of last night’s meal for lunch today and am stuffed and still hungry at the same time. I guess that’s what happens with food of poor nutritional quality. This picture looks better than what I was actually served. Even the vegetables were greasy.

Roommate Ad Test Results

2007-06-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

As I've been talking about, I’ve been searching for a roommate, and I’ve been rewording my craigslist ads to see what gets more responses. It’s amazing how one change, while not financially beneficial to the potential renter, has pulled immediate response.

I changed the ad from $525 all utilities included to $400 + ½ utilities. Holy cow, what a difference in response rate. If one does the math, one sees that the first option (utilities included) is the better deal for the renter, but people just see the smaller number and don’t work out the real cost. I have a potential candidate coming to see me Saturday - prayers/positive vibes all welcome!

It also occurs to me that if the roommate pays $400 + ½ utilities, and the utility number varies with the amount of usage, it will be easier to bring the person on board with my energy conservation scheme than if they can use all they want for a flat rate. MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!

So, it may work out better that way after all from a Compact and environmental standpoint.

Floor Cloth

2007-06-16T07:00:00.000-07:00

Have any of you ever made a floor cloth? The carpet in the room I've been redecorating is terribly stained with bleach, and I happen to have a large piece of canvas and a bunch of acrylic paints. Tea staining and other dying methods are also under consideration, once I come up with a design. The site linked to here has it being covered with Minwax polycrylic, but won't that make it hard? I think I'd like to be able to throw it in the wash every six months or so. Does it need to have some sort of backing to make it stay put, being placed on top of carpet?

I am enamoured by being able to redecorate for next to nothing using all these materials I'd been saving. Aside from the portable wardrobe I had to buy for my clothes, I haven't spent a penny so far and the room is transformed. I may need some reclaimed fabric for a couple of the last things, but that shouldn't cost more than a couple bucks.

Posessions Bulimia?

2007-06-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

I’m feeling a terrifically large urge to purge again this weekend. I think I will collect and box up things but just not do heavy lifting again like I did last weekend – I think that’s part of why my foot hasn’t closed up yet. But I can neatly box up the books and other things in place and just not carry them out for donation until next weekend. I can stand the clutter no more.

I have such an overwhelming urge to lighten my load. I’ve been doing this every couple of months for well over a year now, carloads of stuff, and still the job never seems done.

Meanwhile, I have actually come up with two gifts I’d like for Christmas: a new comforter for my bed or a duvet to go over the old one, and The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes. Heh… Better keep that list no longer than three items or I'll be in trouble again.

Techno-trash progress

2007-06-14T07:31:00.000-07:00

"Techno-trash," or the resulting waste of plastic and toxic chemicals from old computers, periperals, laptops, PDAs and the like, is one of the fastest growing environmental concerns we have. The amount of lead in a computer monitor alone, if released, could harm an awful lot of people. See this article, just for one: http://svtc.etoxics.org/site/PageServer?pagename=svtc_global_ewaste_crisis. (Article whored off Colin Beavan's blog.)
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I just got a press release here at work from Staples. (NO, I'm not paid to post this.) Staples will now recycle all your old computer junk - whole computers cost $10 to recycle, and all lighter periphery can be recycled there for free. Keep your techno-trash out of landfills and harmful chemicals out of the water supply! Recycling computers just got way easier.
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I'm all for donating first if you can. Schools and the like need to re-use our technology first. But after I replace my keyboard at home that has at least 8 keys glued still by coffee accidents? Yep.
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A-recycling we will go...

Anybody hungry?

2007-06-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

Here is a view of some of my deck garden. This was taken on June 3 and it's already way bigger since it's gotten so hot! There are tomatoes on the vines now (though their health is questionable - I need to fertilize again), and the first eggplants and zucchinis have formed. I've been eating greens for a few weeks now.

The garden is quite a bit smaller than last year. I planted less due a good deal to my limited time this go-round, and also because of our severe drought. I haven't planted any ornamentals this year - only food. I wish I could have grown more again this year but I fear this dreadful heat and lack of rain is going to be worse even than last year. At the current size, watering of the deck garden in the early morning about 5x a week consumes about 2-3 gallons of water each time, or about 12.5 gallons per week. I'm getting most of that water collected in a bucket from the bathtub leak that still needs fixing - hopefully I get that fixed soon but in the mean time the water is not wasted. I would absolutely LOVE to grow more if I had the time to devote to it.

I can justify the water use for food, but the astonomical amounts still being used by others for swimming pools, lawns, and golf courses is really driving me bats. I do one load of laundry per week, run the dishwasher once per week, take as short showers as I can, and try to save water wherever else possible, but then I see sprinklers turned on lawns and for what?

I do confess I am dying to do something to make my front yard look nicer, but I don't know if I'll do it with plants now. Our watering restrictions are severe and my postage-stamp yard is not only full shade but DRY. Maybe I'll treat myself to a couple more potted shrubs, put some outdoor art out there, and call it a day. My boxwood seems to be thriving no matter how much it's neglected. I'm honestly considering planting cacti in - does aloe do well in the shade?

Fake Plastic Trees

2007-06-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided to take advantage of the next three weeks being barred from the gym while my foot heals from my recent surgery (I keep typing “heels” LOL) to dive back into morning meditation. I haven’t been doing it for quite a long time and I might as well take advantage of my tendency to rise early, especially in view of how anxious I've been lately. I sat for 20 minutes this morning, and as it happens every time I come back from being out of practice, I was fidgety as all get out and my mind was all over the place. It’s OK though, because I came to the mat. And I will do it again tomorrow. And the day after. It’ll be good for me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it every day once I’m back at the gym, but twice a week sure would make a nice practice.

I’m also considering a TV diet for a while. I watch too much, even if it is things like BBC America and the History channel. And I may impose a limit on my internet time at home too.

In other news, read this eye-opening article about plastics. I kiped this off Colin Beavan's http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/. I don’t even know how I’d start clearing plastics out of my home/life in a significant way. But I can start by at least paying more attention and taking it step by step though, especially after reading this. *coughs up a zip-loc*

Our oceans are turning into plastic...are we?
By Susan Casey, Photographs by Gregg SegalMay 11, 2007 - 11:45:03 PM

A vast swath of the Pacific, twice the size of Texas, is full of a plastic stew that is entering the food chain. Scientists say these toxins are causing obesity, infertility...and worse.
Fate can take strange forms, and so perhaps it does not seem unusual that Captain Charles Moore found his life’s purpose in a nightmare. Unfortunately, he was awake at the time, and 800 miles north of Hawaii in the Pacific Ocean. [snip]It began with a line of plastic bags ghosting the surface, followed by an ugly tangle of junk: nets and ropes and bottles, motor-oil jugs and cracked bath toys, a mangled tarp. Tires. A traffic cone. Moore could not believe his eyes. Out here in this desolate place, the water was a stew of plastic crap. It was as though someone had taken the pristine seascape of his youth and swapped it for a landfill.
Read the rest at: http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/publish/health-fitness/Our_oceans_are_turning_into_plastic_are_we_2.shtml

Closet Resolution

2007-06-11T06:27:00.001-07:00

Well, I ended up going a different route. I really wanted to compact and buy used, not new, but with time bearing down I ended up purchasing something new. The Ikea was very nice, but shipping would have brought an $80 item up to $200 and I do not have a vehicle that I could pick one up with. So I got this at Linen's and Things. They had cheaper variations, but I wanted something strong enough to hold ALL of my hanging clothes and that would last several years.

It's got a steel frame and the cover is a very heavy, durable canvas, and it's collapsible so I can store it if I don't need it at grad school. And it matches the room. Additionally, my niece may be able to use it when she goes off to college. The top is supposed to zip all the way shut, but the assembly step I apparently messed up on was at the very beginning and I'm just not up to taking it all apart again right now. Besides, all my clothes are in it.

Now I just need to create some sort of cover for the laundry basket next to it, because the cats already love to sleep in there. :D

I do love that I've got my clothes down to fitting in here and one dresser. It seems much more sane this way and so far I don't miss anything I've donated. I need to go through my books again next.

Help! Coming out of the Closet?

2007-06-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

If anyone out there reads this blog, here’s your chance to let me know it and show your creativity! I need suggestions and help here.

I need an armoire. For clothes, and with shoes to be stored on the bottom of it, and it should be 36” wide give or take a few inches. It will be used as a primary closet for at least two years, so it needs to be sturdy, and I’d like it to close completely to keep the cat hair off my work clothes. They will sleep inside it if it doesn’t close. It should be full height so that my long dresses and stuff won’t get messed up.

There is a very nice one from Ikea that I’m tempted to buy, but I’d rather get used or come up with my own solution. It will go against a flat wall, so there are no corner options and there is no room for a “dressing alcove” (previous suggestions I’ve received). I do have one alcove in the room but it houses my “office” and already is full with desk, filing cabinet, and shelves. I’d like to keep the “office” space separated from the “bedroom” space, so there is basically just the one location available for the armoire/wardrobe solution.

I’m half tempted just to get a wardrobe box from some movers but that won’t last for two years and my cats will claw it to death. And besides, it’s not purdy. Simple and cheap are good but I don’t want my room to look like trash either.

I posted a “wanted” on freecycle and have been all over craig’s list, ebay and the like, and so far have had no luck. I don’t know if perhaps I can make something? Has anyone got any ideas?

Here is the $80 option I’m trying to resist buying:
http://www.ikea.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?topcategoryId=15597&catalogId=10103&storeId=12&productId=12107&amp;amp;langId=-1&categoryId=15856&chosenPartNumber=14903207

Thanks so much for your help! I need to acquire/make whatever I’m going to use in the next two weeks because I’m getting a roommate (hopefully).

My stomach is in limbo-land

2007-05-31T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I’ve gotten the room painted and the curtains are almost done. I need to hang some things on the walls and then purge a big ton o’ crap this weekend. Then I need to get an armoire to hang clothes in, and I’ll be ready to move into that bedroom and the room I’m in now will be all set for a roommate. Any idea where I can find one? Craigslist and the like are fruitless so far. Boo. I just registered on a roommate service now and also started contacting people on Craigslist who are looking for rooms. Oi.

Begun gathering info for applications to local colleges – I have three undergrad classes I need to take before I can apply for my masters program, but I still have to go through the whole application process even for transient student status. What was the breakdown of my SAT scores from 1989 and the exact date I took them during that year? My childhood immunization records from the 70’s? Mm-hmm. *throws up*

Putting on my Big Girl Pants...

2007-05-29T06:19:00.000-07:00

Well, the meeting was fairly interesting at UGA. It appears I definitely need to take those science classes to qualify for the MPH, so I’ve sent out inquiries to the local schools. I’m going to take them as night classes so that way I won’t have quit my job if I don’t get in the masters program. Heh. At least two of them are offered evenings and hopefully the third will be too by the time I need it. I’m hoping to take one per semester for the next three semesters so I’ll be complete in time to apply for ’09. I think more than one per semester would be hard while working full time since they are lab courses – so that’s two long nights per week at school plus homework just for one class.

I’ll likely have to suspend some other activity to place my priority on school. I have to think about it now because I plan to start that first prep class this August – not far away. It rather places a conundrum on the yoga classes I teach – the students love it so, as do I. But, I might just have to be a student and get in one of Michele’s classes once a week, not teach for a while. I’m not sure about choir at the moment – I may consider just singing at Christmas and Easter since I really don’t want to give it up altogether.

But until my energy levels get better (meaning I stick to my hypo diet better), three nights a week out until 10:00 after having been up and running since 5:15am is just too much. Two, I can do, but three nights knock me right out, dead for the week. I will also miss the yoga money, but Lord willing I will have a roommate by then. PUH-LEEZE?

Also, sticking to the hypoglycemic diet this weekend? Did. Not. Happen. At all. I can’t even talk about how bad I was. Let’s just say I am starting from square one again… I think the only reason I did not gain 5 pounds in three days of eating sugar is that 6 hours of house-painting and other hard labor burnt a lot of calories… Today was the first time I'd been to the gym in a week.

I really need to look for a job closer to home...

Three-Day Weekend

2007-05-28T04:23:00.000-07:00

I have my exploratory meeting this morning with the program coordinator at grad school. I’m terribly nervous about it. I feel like I need to dress for a job interview – I’m not sure what to do. It’s not even an interview tied to an application – it’s just a meeting to learn about the program and figure out what I need to do to qualify when I do apply. And a bunch of general grad school questions since I haven’t been a university student since 1994.

That’s at 10:00 and then I have the rest of the day free. I MUST do some homework and finish this assignment. BLERGH. I’m really hating this class. I enjoyed the first class, but I’m hating this one.

Beyond that, I am not sure what I want to do with my day. I’ll likely go to the gym for at least a little while after the interview because I’m sure I’ll have so many ants in my pants I’ll go looney if I don’t. I also need to take 20 minutes and thin the carrots – they are far more than the recommended two-inches tall for that little procedure.

I also want to begin one or more of the following Projects To Be Completed for June:

1. Cut, pin, sew and hang the curtains for the office.
2. Hang pictures in said office.
3. Acquire free-standing clothes armoire for office-to-be-bedroom (not today).
4. Paint the dining room (that one’s not happening today either.)
5. Purge a ton more stuff, in preparation for roommate and also for eventual move into very small space in a couple years.
6. LINE UP A ROOMMATE! I’ve had no luck with this so far.

I should also hang the little bulletin board in the office now and start posting my goals on it as planned when I bought the thing. Now the office is painted, I suddenly feel free to do a lot.
So odd, yet freeing, to know now that my destiny is not the cookie-cutter American suburban life. I’m going to live differently.

There's Always Resistance when you Buck the Status Quo

2007-05-11T08:12:00.000-07:00

I’m really kind of hating it that when people ask me if I’m dating anyone, and I say “no,” they immediately launch into this pity thing. Additionally, if I state that this is because I am not interested and that I have decided to be single, that I have to hear all this crap about, “Oh, don’t give up. Don’t talk like that. You’ll find someone when you least expect it.” Blah blah BLAH. I would like someone around to do some of the heavy labor sometimes, but really, I ain't suffering.

Why is “finding someone” required by society? I understand that they all boarded the ark two by two. That’s fine. And other species should continue this pattern as the rates of extinction for many are alarming. But there are far too many humans on this planet already, so it is really not reliant on me personally to breed in order to propagate the species.

When I decided to be single and to remove all that pressure from myself, I began a long, ongoing thought process, working toward a decision as to how I will contribute to the world, care for it and its children, in an especially unique way since I have decided not to get tied down with my own hubby, kids, two minivans and three mortgages. And an alternative life began to spring up before my eyes. A much simpler one, and much saner. I'm not so worried about dying all the gray out of my hair anymore.

I decided to pursue what I really wanted, specifically because I do have that freedom. I've decided, in my late 30s, to go to grad school and get my Master's in Public Health and work toward a job in international hunger relief. I had written just a few months back about wanting quite the idyllic life for myself, but something (God?) began gnawing at me, saying "Comfortable is not your destiny. VEE HAVE OTHER PLANS FOR JOO..."

So, I'm planning to get a roommate, save like mad for two years, and then go to grad school. I've found a very affordable program right here at UGA in Athens, Georgia. I'll likely sell my place at that point and get a small apartment in Athens, because then not only can I save energy and money home-wise, but I can use my car just the once a week I need to drive back and care for my mom rather than using it every day. In Athens you can get around completely by bus and bicycle. Two years away, but I will finally reduce my footprint in a meaningful way.

Because I’m not tied down, I can do something radical. It will be my way of helping improve things and spreading peace. Sure, maybe I’ll find someone like-minded in the streets of Calcutta or something, or even in grad school, and that would be fine. But honestly, I do not need to plan my life around "pairing up." Especially not with this superficial lot around here.

So why with the pity, people? This is a good thing!

My neighbor thinks it's SQUIRRELS...

2007-04-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

BUT OURS GOES UP TO ELEVEN.

2007-04-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

I thought it was Smokey digging up my seeds, but he was inside for two days and digging still occurred. I hope I still get some carrots – whoever’s been digging has been thorough. We have a couple new kittens in the neighborhood – which one is the smarmy vandal? I think it’s that little whore that’s been hanging round Jack’s place. STAY OUT OF MY GARDEN OR I’LL BEAT YOU WITH MY CANE AND STUFF YOU IN A PIE.
My transplants are all happy. Whoo!
A coworker gave me one of his iris bulbs. I can’t wait to plant it and see what color the flowers turn out to be – he had a bunch of different colors.
I WANT BROWNIE AND ITALIAN FOOD!
WANT MORE SLEEPYTIME. Srsly.
I’m going to kill my mother. But I say that every day, so that’s like a death threat from the Dread Pirate Roberts. “Good night, I’ll most likely kill you in the morning…” Srsly, the woman is bats.
I’m bats too but not in the same way.
VACATIONS PLZ.
I have to buy birthday gifts for my greedy nieces tonight. I hafta spend more on them than I ever would on myself. Brats don’t know how to ask for anything cheap or that I can buy used. At least I got them away from gift cards and onto DVDs, but of course they only want new releases. Pfft. They have Netflix.
I may have to wait on new shoes now – I forgot about those kids in my recent planning. Mother’s Day is coming soon too. I guess can just wear the brace with the stretched-out sneakers at the gym for two more weeks until I can afford a new pair. At least I can wear regular shoes to work starting next week probably.
I booked myself a retreat at the monastery for early July. I wanted to go sooner, but at least it’s upcoming. Can’t wait!

The Garden's In! The Garden's In! The Garden's In!

2007-04-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

*Bouncy!*Bouncy!*Bouncy!*Bouncy!*Boing!*Boing!*Boing!*

I couldn't stand it anymore. What a beautiful weekend outside! It’s so beautiful out I can hardly stand the excitement. Wow. My ankle's killing me now but I don't care.

I cannot express my utter joy at finally getting myself elbow-deep in soil for a few hours. Mah fingernails iz dirteh!!! Bliss!!! I got my vegetable “starts” Saturday – and I only came home with one thing not on the list. I justified it by the fact that the basils they had were really four basils to a pot – so when I planted them I divided the quart container into the four separate plants it really was.

We now have:

From transplants: 1 japanese eggplant, 2 roma tomato, and 4 basils (from the one). I have some lemon thyme too but I’ve not figured out where I’m planting it yet.
Seeds planted directly: sugar snap peas, carrots, swiss chard, spinach, tom thumb lettuce, 2 zucchinis, and kale. I know some of those are late but my injured ankle and the cold weather that lasted too long set me back. If they don’t turn out I’ll just try them again for autumn.
Overwintered from last year: anise hyssop, spearmint, lemon balm, chives, Chinese lanterns, a sad looking lavender, and a jackmani clematis that is cascading down the long deck support and lookin’ purdy.

I am so proud of my stylin’ trellis for the peas! A storm a couple weeks back knocked a bunch of twigs and branches off the tree out front, which I saved. I stuck them all in the long pot I’m using, just any which way, and it looks so cool and artsy-fartsy. I can’t wait for the peas to sprout, grow up the branches, and flower. Snazzy trellis and it was free – just the way I like it!

I also did my tomatoes differently this year – I got a couple smaller dollar-store planters, cut the bottoms off, and set them into the large tomato pots to create levels in the same container. The tomatoes are in the upper tier (1 tomato in each), where the roots will just grow out the cut-off bottom of the small pot and into the larger container, and surrounding on the lower tier are my pasta sauce herbs. So far I just have the basils in there, but when I get the parsley and oregano those will go in. My friend Martha might have a couple of garlic starts for me and I’d love to tuck those in there too.

I’ll take gardenporn for y’all when some of the seeds start sprouting. Right now it’s just my few little transplants, and a bunch of pots with marked tongue depressors to remind me what seeds I planted where. Next will be more herbs in a week or two, and tomorrow night I have flower seeds that I will start in the mini-greenhouse to transplant when they get big enough (and I figure out where they’re going).

So excited! I ate my dinner afterward at the little bistro table and surveyed my “domain,” and also watched the geese on the lake. Ahh! I cannot WAIT to be harvesting my own vegetables. I may not have room for a large garden or anything in-ground, but my little kitchen garden on the deck gives me such pleasure and still makes me feel a little self-sufficient.

Who knew there was so much to think about with Clothes

2007-04-19T14:03:00.000-07:00

I went shopping today on lunch. It was hell. I just wanted someone to pick out some things for me so I could leave and be done.

I got a few things though and can hopefully find some more like-new, second-hand things over the next few weeks. The three blazers I got were in excellent condition. I’ll be cleaning out the stuff at home that I don’t wear anymore to make room. I think the easiest way is to create a work “uniform” of blazers, sweaters, tops and pants, and just have a few of each in different colors that all mix and match. Then I don’t have to think about what to wear in the mornings. It will save space in the closet, too.

This clothes thing is really weird. I don’t like to think that “clothes make the (wo)man,” but this has made me start thinking a little bit. I mentioned this to “the Compact” list on yahoo and those folks went into much deeper diatribes about how we shouldn’t be judged by exteriors but by our work – my performance review was very, very good but I didn’t go into it with them. But regardless of what they had to say, I can understand in business why looking a certain way can be important. It just takes a lot for me to want to spend time or money on that - like my boss telling me I need to wear some nicer clothes.

This is why I think the “uniform” idea is probably best for me. Actress Téa Leoni found a pair of pants and a shirt she liked once, bought seven of each in different colors, and wore that “uniform” for years. She always looked great. I like that idea – think about and plan it once, and then you’re done.

Fashion is weird. I know a lot of people who are very into clothes. They enjoy it and that’s fine. I just prefer to have a pretty lean wardrobe of well-made clothes without a lot of clutter in it. At least, I’ve wanted to work toward getting all well-made stuff but I’d given up shopping for a while until this - yay for finding the right second-hand stores to go to. I can get rid of some of the shabbier pieces now, and mend those that still have life in them. I’m the same with shoes – I keep very few pair and just replace when they wear out.

The trick is finding my style, which is more classic than trendy, and then I don’t have to think about it too much after that. Dressing for special occasions can be fun, but for every day I hate having to think about clothes. I have never worried about style much and find it quite the pain in the ass. I’ve admired the style of a lot of other people, like the Hepburns (both Katharine and Audrey) and others, but being forced to think about it for myself is an odd thing.

I do lust after a bright, fire-engine red wool pea coat though. I’ve always wanted one of those. They really look smart with the classic lines and the bold color.

Post from 3/31/07

2007-04-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

This is the post I wrote but was unable to upload from home.

Oh, boy. It HAS been a long time since I’ve updated this blog, hasn’t it? I think about it often, but I haven’t been as exemplary about accomplishing several of my aims as I’d like – some for simple lack of discipline, and some for reasons that were outside of my control. So I’ve put it off.

Since paying off my credit card, paying off the next debt and saving more has been difficult. Winter heat bills, a busted water line, and medical bills now for a badly sprained ankle have crept into my life. Especially disappointing was the orthopedist and physical therapist, who will not bill you later but expect payment in full before they’ll see you. (My insurance only kicks in after the $500 deductible is met.) So that’s back on the credit card now – but I hope to have that paid off again in the next two months at most. BOO.

Being busy with a writing class, work being nuts, giving extra yoga workshops, and some other things I can’t seem to keep track of, have set me behind in starting this year’s garden. All my friends on the You Grow Girl website have already started scads of seeds and have lists of what they’re growing that go on for pages and pages… So far, the things I over-wintered are still alive (barely), but I haven’t planted anything new yet. I HOPE soon to get the peas in, the first batch of carrots, and the greens. That’s three large pots, and with the 5 pots of over-wintered items I should be able to keep eight pots watered and cared for without too much trouble. Right?

I wanted to grow an acre’s worth of product on my deck this year and to plant a Japanese paradise in the front yard, but with my hectic schedule and now also being sidelined a bit by my ankle, I think I need to keep it to a manageable amount that I can realistically take care of. A bit disappointing, but probably a better plan for overall success. My hot-summer vegetables and herbs will be ready to go in when the peas, carrots and greens are ready to come out, so hopefully I can keep it all alive and get a decent harvest even if it’s smaller. I do still hope to do some xeriscaping in my front yard.

Last year I froze lots of pesto, 4 months’ worth of pasta sauce, and quite a lot of eggplant hummous. I also made all my Christmas presents from dried herbs from the garden. But while I had dreams last year of true farm life and homestead self-sufficiency in my 8’ X 14’ deck garden, I just have to be realistic enough this year that I don’t wear myself out.

I’ve really gotten off track with trying to keep my life “simple” – it seems to have spiraled a bit out of control. I need to spend some time getting it back on track rather than simply trying to keep up…

Hot Chocolate and a Muffin, please...

2007-04-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

For some reason I am unable to get into this account from home. I can't get it to reach the log-in page without freezing, so I can't even attempt to log in. Not sure if it is my crummy old computer or what - but I have a catch-up entry that I'll email to myself here to post soon, but in the mean time,

it got COLD this weekend. It’s a good thing I was behind on planting – anyone who had already put out tender vegetables and flowers round here got to see them freeze and die. Georgia’s peach crop is in question too because of three nights of below-freezing temps – lots of quarter-sized peaches are now brown and shriveled all over the state. But I haven’t seen our supplies of oranges and lemons decrease yet, and they were expected to do so after freezes destroyed much of this year’s crop in CA and FL a couple months back. I don’t know.

Sometimes I feel so disconnected from how nature affects food. I think it would do us good for us to actually have a shortage when weather kills a crop. Then we'd be more in tune with the earth's rhythms and where food comes from before it makes it to the supermarket shelf, more in tune with our spiritual nature and the essence of provision, and we'd be more in tune with how the other 90% of the world's population lives. It's not good for us to be so insulated.

I wore 57 layers of clothes in the house Saturday and Sunday because I refuse to turn the heat on in April. REFUSE. It’s spring, even if it is 27 degrees out there. My house stays warm enough that it’s at least 55 inside no matter what’s happening. I only put the heat on so I could take a bath Sunday morning, but once dressed I turned it right back off.

I definitely enjoyed baking, and cupping a nice mug of hot chocolate in my chilled hands on Saturday though. I was glad I’d saved last week’s baking and cooking for what turned out to be a cold day. It was a good day for relaxing, puttering in the house, and meditation before Easter.

I hope you all had a blessed Easter! He is Risen! And I hope, if you are not Christian, that you still had a wonderful day.

Blogspot problems?

2007-02-19T07:44:00.000-08:00

I don’t know if the problem was with blogspot or with my computer, but I haven’t been able to log in here for over a week. Well, I’m in now… so we’ll just catch up with a list-post!

#1 and most exciting to me!!! My federal tax refund was much larger than I thought it would be, so I took a bit out of savings to cover the last bit of the cost and after sixteen years of having the big vampire’s teeth in my neck, I am finally CREDIT CARD DEBT-FREE! Take that, Old Man Visa. You’ll have to find someone else to stick your chupacabra teeth into now!!! From now on I operate cash-only. Provided no major expenses hit me in the next three months while I get my savings back up. *crosses fingers* It's not in dreadful shape, but I prefer a slightly larger cushion.

#2. My gym opened last week. I am so bloody sore but I am working out, dammit! It’s slowly getting easier and I’m walking a bit less like a cripple today. I also had a free session with a (military commando) personal trainer on Saturday, and if the exercises he gave me don’t get rid of this surplus 25 pounds by December I don’t know what will. I do feel better (healthwise) already – my cold finally left.

#3. Seed starting to commence Wednesday. I took off for Ash Wednesday and after meditation, church, and deep-cleaning my house I’m going to start some of my seeds. And maybe start some artwork, at least a smaller piece. And homework I’m behind on for writing class. Hmm.

#4. Since I’ll now be able to pay off my car by October, I’ve decided to travel to my aunt and uncle in PA in November and spend Thanksgiving with family I have not seen in years. I miss them terribly. Plane fare is pretty cheap if I book it in the next few months (paying cash of course) – I plan to spend the entire week at their house for a leisurely visit.

#5. For Lent, I am giving up sloth. Boy, will that be a challenge for ME. I love sloth! But, in the mean time, I’m looking for a food pantry or homeless assistance organization I can work with for two hours every Saturday in Lent. I have the addresses of several, but they all require at least 1 hour drive and I’m looking for a local place, to save gas. I’m on the hunt.

#6. I've been asked to give an Intro to Yoga workshop to the Sr. High Youth at my church on March 11th. How exciting! I'm looking forward to sharing yoga with these teenagers - they're a good group.

That’s about the update for right now!

Mexico

2007-02-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

It's been a crazy week. I've had a wicked cold since last Friday - still have it. I was supposed to go to Moss Point, MS this past weekend to help work on some houses that were badly damaged by Katrina - but I didn't go because I am still sick. I went through a lot of waffling over that decision - but my friend finally convinced me when she reminded me that we'd be gutting houses that have been rotting with mold for over a year which would be bad to do with a respiratory infection. So I don't feel as guilty now, but I'm still sad about not going.

My sister offered to take care of "Mom-duty" for me this weekend, so I have two whole days on my own!!! I do love my church but once in a while it's nice not to have Sunday be an 8 hour workday before I get to go home. So I have planned to do some reading and classwork for the writing class I've begun, and also to do some drawing - I got my paints so I can begin painting again! I paint in acrylics and was able to get all my basic colors plus 2 canvas boards and 2 canvasses for $40. I thought that was pretty good. I have lots of ideas and I think sketching them first is a good start, so I don't forget any of them. I'm also going to do a little garden-planning too, and my gym has FINALLY opened its doors! Hallelujah!

I had a long conversation today with Katie, who runs the Youth Groups at our church. She asked me to run a yoga workshop for the youth one Sunday night as part of her series about discipline and interior life during Lent. It'll be March 11th so I'll begin work on that as well. I think I have 60 or 90 minutes to do an intro, a basic yoga routine, and a guided meditation, so that will be good. Exciting to do with a group of 25 high school students!

It's with these same high school students that I've agreed to go to Mexico for a week this summer, in July. We'll be building houses in Rio Bravo, a very poor community, as well as having a Vacation Bible School there for the children. These teenagers live such sheltered lives in their sequestered, gated communities that this trip will be a real wake-up call for them, and I'm excited to be a part of that as well as to serve and grow on my own. (I have no travel budget for 2007 but luckily the chaperones all get paid for by the youth budget.)

I need to do a few of these trips as I decide what to do with the rest of my life.

From my e-friend Dan

2007-01-31T10:54:00.000-08:00

EL MENSAGE DEL DIA/ WHAT WILL MATTER WHEN EVERYTHING ENDS

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but if they will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

Garden Therapy

2007-01-30T08:42:00.000-08:00

In reading so much about climate change (see the latest http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070130/sc_nm/globalwarming_australia_dc), poverty and rich-poor divide, war and pestilence, and trying to determine what my vocation is to make a difference in all of this, I have a tendency to want to get into the garden to maintain my sanity. I want to plant seeds and watch things grow. I also want to harvest some of my own vegetables in order to leave more food for others.

So here’s the rough plan. Items in bold type are things I need to buy this year – everything else, I still have seeds or over-wintered plants. I need to get the seed-starting schedule mapped out - "CausticMuse" on www.yougrowgirl.com has developed a seed-starting chart where you plug in your last frost date and it figures that all out for you.

SPRING/FALL VEGETABLES:
1. Sugar Sprint Snap Peas (lots of them – so expensive in the store! I’ll freeze what I don’t use fresh).
2. Spinach – will try to get one of the heat-resistant varieties this time so I can have it longer
3. Tom Thumb Lettuce
4. Kale
6. CARROTS. I’m using three containers this year and planting staggered harvests about a month apart. They are very easy and require hardly any maintenance. Will try Atomic Reds this year in addition to the Scarlet Nantes.

SUMMER VEGETABLES:
1. Second wave of carrots.
2. TOMATOES. 2 plants. Definitely one Roma, possibly both will be Roma. I want enough to freeze sauce for the year again and while I want some heirlooms also for fresh eating, I need one year with disease-resistant plants to build my confidence after last year. Will try seeds, and buy starts if the seeds fail.
3+. BASIL, OREGANO, CREEPING THYME, PARSLEY, and maybe GARLIC SHOOTS if I can find “starts” on the garlic. I meant to plant bulbs of garlic in the fall but I didn’t get to it. I’m making 2 large, tiered containers with an elevated tomato plant in the middle of each (so the roots can go deep) and the pasta sauce herbs will surround on the lower level. Viva Italiano!
4. ZUCCHINI. I really want just one plant, but I think you need 2 for optimum pollination. I’ll probably end up with two – they take a lot of water, but they’re easy. They did great in containers last year – 1 per pot.
5. EGGPLANT. Just one plant this year – they’re overly-prolific. I’ll buy a start.
6. LEMON CUCUMBER. Just one vine. I want to try them.

TEA HERBS:

Spearmint
Lemon Balm
Lemon Verbena
Licorice Mint
Chamomile
Lavender
Stevia
Chocolate Mint

Oh, the deck is going to be full again this year. I thought I said I was going to try and make this year more manageable? I may need to do some editing on this before I plant… maybe I will pass on the cukes this year? I also thought about starting a couple of container blueberry bushes, but maybe I’ll wait on those another year too…

I still need to plan what I’m doing with the front yard also, though that’s not edibles. See what the chilly weather and analyses of world conditions does to me? It’s supposed to be wind chill of ZERO today (v. cold for Georgia) and I’m dreaming of fresh tomatoes…

Pinto Beans, Poverty, and Abundance

2007-01-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

Oh, yes. I’m still working on all this about finding my meaning and purpose behind simple living, still working out what I’m supposed to be doing. Working out what parts of this are just fashionable and what parts indeed do help others in need and help our planet. My struggle is about doing things that are easy, things we do in order to absolve ourselves from ever having to put ourselves on the line, from having to actually look poverty directly and undeniably in the eye, putting a human face on it, and then having to really change and do something about it. What is that next level? I can buy fair trade coffee and organic vegetables, but what of the poor who cannot afford these things? Do I spend my money on these things so that farmers far away can make a living wage, or do I stand in solidarity with the poor, eating what they eat, and giving that money I spent on the pricier coffee to a person in need locally? What is fashionable and what is a true act of generosity? Clearly there is not a black or white answer on that one, hence the struggle.

Working on a set of issues like this has made me very, very sleepy this week. I get all fired up and read and pray, and then I just want to go to bed as if I’ve burnt some synapses or something. Must definitely go for a long walk tomorrow. I’ve been writing back and forth with my pastor about this and it will be a good long while before I work out exactly what I’m supposed to do. A major life change is in development though, and I’m beginning to prepare. I expect it will be a few years down the road, but I may have to acquire training or language skills, or any number of things before I’m ready to simplify down to a couple of suitcases and a plane ticket to wherever I end up called to serve. I believe now that this is why I have remained single – so that I would be free to do something like this.

Whatever “this” turns out to be.

Right now I feel like the paints that got all squeezed out of the tubes and all mixed up together, but The Artist hasn’t finished the painting yet so right now I’m just a blob. The paints can’t be put back in the tubes, but the final vision is not yet realized either. I am in flux. When you mix all the colors together at once, you get grey.

I’ve noticed that I’m gravitating toward a much simpler diet as part of this whole thing. Bread, cheese, lots of fresh fruit, vegetables and salads, grains, nuts, and beans, all simply prepared without a lot of fancy gourmet-ness or expensive ingredients. I’m feeling better even though I still want to sleep all the time this week. Dinner last night was rye toast and an egg – when I get home late from teaching yoga, I don’t want to eat very heavy at that hour. But it was delicious.

I did discover that dried pinto beans need to be cooked much longer than 30 minutes, even after a 48-hour soak. I made this pot of beans and put them in rice and beans and salads, only to discover they were undercooked. Undercooked beans hurt my stomach. And all that food wasted. Boy, did it hurt to throw out that food after I’d resolved not to waste it anymore, but I’d mixed those beans into everything. So let that be a lesson to you… Give your beans time to cook, or they won’t be good for you and you’ll have to throw them out.

Odd also - the more screwed up I become in the head with all this, the more students I'm getting at yoga. On Wednesdays I'm going to need bigger space if I keep adding a new student every week. Both classes are growing rapidly all of a sudden. I wonder why my classes are growing so much when I'm feeling more and more lost? I don't understand this. I'm absolutely grateful for it, but totally confused.

This book is screwing up my whole life !!!

2007-01-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

http://www.amazon.com/Irresistible-Revolution-Living-Ordinary-Radical/dp/0310266300/sr=8-1/qid=1169479595/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-2996997-4693713?ie=UTF8&s=books

I thought I had figured out my little dream as recently as oh, Friday. Then I get this here book from the library because it came up under a search for “simple living” and it turns everything all upside down. Not to mention the fact that we had a speaker from Compassion International speak to us yesterday, who had survived the Rwandan Genocide. You can’t believe the stories he told, and that anyone could survive that. To top it off, in honor of his visit we’d sung “The Prayer of the Children,” which is the most beautiful and powerful song I’ve ever heard (listen to another choir sing it here http://www.wesley-umc.com/loudblog/index.php?id=11). It was so heart-wrenching I couldn’t get through it once without tearing up.

So now I’m all upside-down, topsy-turvy, fired-up, motivated, and on the verge of tears all at the same time. Yeah, this simple living kick is real popular right now. But if there’s nothing behind it, what’s the point? It’s nice to save the environment and buy organic and rail against Bush in my comfortable home, but what about those who are unable to do these things because of the scandalous, shameful economic inequality in the world? We’ve got to walk the walk. Like Shane says in his book, what if Jesus really meant all that stuff he said about selling everything you own, living in community and caring for the poor? Naturally different people are meant to serve different functions in the church as well as in life, but there are a lot of people calling themselves Christians who’ve got no business doing so. That’s why the use of the word “Christian” has such a negative connotation for so many people – people who truly want to serve Christ have to overcome what Christians have done to and with the church.

For instance, Shane talks of a study he sat in on that went over what Jesus said about money, (paraphrasing a LOT here) that it must be distributed among the poor and that to hoard money and possessions when people are in need is wrong, and that people who do are not likely to make it into heaven. The leader followed this by saying "that doesn't mean you have to give up your rollerblades or your SUV's..." Um, actually it kind of does. No wonder we're all screwed up and no one has respect for Christians any more.

There’s a whole “New Monasticism” movement going on that is sort of comprised of an “underground church” that seeks to work more like the early communal church rather than the mega-brand empty crud that we see everywhere now and that has clouded everyone’s vision. We’re supposed to be different and to show that another world is possible, not just put a metal fish on the car, close our ears and still be part of the “machine.” There are so few who do this, and more are necessary.

As described in previous entries, I’m in a process of paring down possessions. That’s nice, less to clean. But am I actually getting down there in the trenches with the poor? No. I’m not. Am I actively helping poor and homeless families when they have no home and I have a spare room, and giving not just my stuff, but myself? No. And shame on me for it. If I’m not out there, working in love, giving love, and putting myself on the line, then all these other things are just empty gestures. What the hell am I doing in marketing?

I have a lot of decisions to make about what I’m going to do with my life once all my debt is paid off in March of 2008. I’ve still got to worry about Mom’s care, I know, but there’s got to be a major sea change here. I’m going to Moss Point, MS in a couple weeks with church to work on some Katrina-damaged houses for the weekend, and I’m also going to Mexico in July as a youth group chaperone to participate in building homes in a poor, rural town. But I can’t just go on these little trips, check “charity” off my list and call it done. I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’ve got to live my values without compromise. I’ve got to figure out how/when/where/what, or let all that be shown to me is probably more accurate.

Oh, boy. I am just all sorts of stirred up.

QUICKEN HAS GIVEN ME A HEADACHE

2007-01-20T09:09:00.000-08:00

My budget notebook is a mess with all the cross-outs and stuff, so I worked this morning at setting my finances and my budget up in Quicken so I can start really analyzing where my money's going. But I've set up the budget, and I think I set the finances/banking part up correctly. It's taken me 4 hours and my head hurts.

Right now I'll just use it for tracking purposes. I want to make sure it is really set up right before I activate bill pay and totally screw myself over.

The good news is that I THINK I'm on track. I have also rather set up my long-term goal, which is to build the little cabin. I want to retire with absolutely as few financial needs as possible. I have several considerations before deciding where, such as property taxes, proximity to a train and a medical center, ability to ride a bike into "town" and lots of other things, but luckily I have scads of time to research this all. I'd love to get started on the process in the next 5-10 years.

However, now that I have half a goal, I really need to get with a financial planner. I'm saving quite a lot but I need to balance it into some liquid investments with a better return than my piddly savings account. 401k is untouchable until I'm 65, and that's as planned because that will be my income then, but to buy my land and build my little environmentally-efficient house in the mean time I need to figure out how to invest for that part of the deal.

Do any grown-ups read this that would have some good advice on how to find a financial planner? You should also know that I watch way too many mystery shows where the money-manager robbed the murder victim blind, so I do harbor a little suspicion about the idea. Help?

I love teenage boys

2007-01-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

Ha ha ha. No, no - get that Blanche Dubois image right back out of your head.

I love certain particular teenage boys because they work cheap. I have three rooms in my house yet to be painted since I moved in last year, and due to a church fundraiser I'll be able to get two of them done for $75.00 by a teenage boy and my friend who has to come with because she heads the committee. Some things also need to be moved to accomplish the job in those rooms that are very hard for me to move by myself, and a heavy-ass mirror will need to be re-hung afterward. I'll help too, of course, and three people will get it done in a jiffy compared to me doing it by myself! Sometimes jobs are harder when you're a single woman on your own and on a budget, so this will be a great big help.

LOVE that child labor!!!

Take that, Jose's Painting. $75.00 +pizza compared to your $800.00. HA!

Starving for Time

2007-01-17T08:44:00.000-08:00

I offer no type of solution with this post. This is a struggle.

I think I need to find a way to reduce my schedule. I am not sure how to do this, as I did just create a list for myself yesterday of things I want to accomplish this year. It is about 8 miles long of course. But all I want to do these days is sleep, and that’s got to be a sign. Part of simplifying life is not doing, or feeling compelled to do, so much. I think I need to go back to that list and edit it, also making it perhaps a two- or three-year plan. Reasonable goals are achieved moreso than planning too much. Progress is still progress even if it takes longer than I’d like in our insta-society.

I’m not sure how to start though. I must increase my exercise so I can remain healthy and lose some of this weight – I only do 3X a week at this point and two of those are the yoga classes I teach. I’d cut that back to just Wednesdays, but right now I need the money I make from Thursdays and those students also love it so much.

On the weekends, Sundays belong to Mum and I get home by about 3. That’s alright, I’m used to that and know that’s not going to change any time soon. My mom is homebound, and Sundays are the day we get everything done now that I live 45 minutes away and need to combine trips to save gas. We do her grocery shopping after church and lunch at my sister’s.

I would like to get better about cooking on Saturdays instead so that Sunday afternoons I can truly veg out? I don’t know. I like to read and watch mysteries on Sunday afternoons with the cat on my chest. Saturdays are my day for housecleaning, gardening, and anything else I need to get done. Following “the Compact” about not shopping except for food and true necessities has certainly freed up more time, but things still creep in and steal my days (like car repairs). I guess that’s just part of life.

I want to do more volunteer work too, as I have a special desire to help the poor. Right now I just want to learn how to knit at home though. I must figure out a ministry where I can make things at home for the needy, perhaps? But I need to get out of the house and do it in person. Yarr.

I started a Tuesday night 7-week Bible study last week with the caveat that I might not make it every week. I made it last week but not this week. I may need to simply study on my own using some of Larry’s resources, especially since I’m starting another 13-lesson writing class for work soon and will have homework from that. Or, I might advise my choir director that I can only sing at 11am services for a while and take a Sunday morning class during the earlier time slot when I am there anyway. (Normally we sing two services.)

I also think I may have to contact Parthi and tell him I can’t write his script. I’m not inspired anyway because frankly his idea for the movie is kind of dumb. He has been waiting on me for a few months now so I feel bad, but I think I need to write what I feel more passionate about rather than some dreck movie. Parthi’s documentary films look wonderfully interesting and inspiring – so I don’t know why he’s come up with this one bad idea. I think that will free me up some.

I have begun to limit my time on the internet though. That’s been a very good thing. As wonderful a tool as the internet is (HULLO), I tend to waste far too much time on it after completing what I need to every day.

I want more TIME in the week. Why are we all so starved for time? I don't even have kids and I feel this. I don't get to see my friends often because everyone is so busy. What the hell happened?

Dreaming and trying to Make it Happen

2007-01-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

I took down the Christmas tree and decorations yesterday. I kept them up longer this year because #1) I did not get them up until December 22nd, and #2) this is the first year EVAR that my cat did not take the tree down for me in his attempt to climb it. Taking down Christmas decorations always makes me a little sad, but I was glad to see that excepting the tree, all my decorations fit in the storage area I have set for them. I’ve been trying to pare down so that I keep only the decorations I use, and no more. My favorites are those I’ve kept from childhood, and the one box of ornaments my mom bought me when I got my first apartment. There is a tree stand I no longer need though, and a few more things I can get rid of. I will probably Freecycle those.

But it is the New Year now, and time for new things. Tonight I’ll be cooking as I didn’t get around to it last night, and besides, I still had leftovers to eat up. I’m signing up for another writing course through my work and I’m excited about that. This one is about writing web copy… I can’t wait for in a few years to make the transition to writing what I want to for magazines and other things.

I dream daily of being a magazine writer based out of my home, and maybe one day a book or two. I dream of building a very green and efficient stone cabin of about 500 square feet (+ a shed), with an in-ground vegetable garden, in a location where I can bike to town and catch a bus so as to minimize the need for a car. I also dream of having such a place located in an inexpensive but beautiful area of the country and paid off as quickly as possible, so that I can retire in my 50’s or 60’s with very few monetary needs. But my current job, and these classes they pay for, are very good practice for now, and they build my resume and savings and serve their purpose.

I was also asked to write a movie script for a local director, for which I currently have NO inspiration, but I need to get started anyway and hope it comes during the process. This director’s current film is going to Sundance this year, so it’s certainly worth taking a shot at it.

I need to give up sloth. I waste too much time and need to work harder toward making all these things happen. I must write more.

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven

2007-01-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

Appropriate for today - Matthew 6:19-21, 24-34

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be also.

"No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry and say, 'What are we to eat?' or 'What are we to drink?' or 'What are we to wear?' All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own trouble."

$40 a Week - Should this be a new Rachael Ray show?

2007-01-12T10:52:00.000-08:00

I think so. OK, here we go with a vague meal plan for the week beginning 1/14/2006. I go shopping tonight, so I had to hurry up and get inspired. I was going to build into my food budget that nice pizza from the new Sicilian place, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to fit so here we move into plan “B.” I should research dough recipes and make my own pizza next week mebbe.

First, I found a recipe at http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=5236.0 for breakfast bars that look easy to make, and will come out way cheaper per piece than the Luna bars I’ve been buying. They also have less sugar and good ingredients, and the recipe makes 10 so I’ll have for next week too.

So I’ve planned these new breakfast bars, plus yogurt with blueberries and some other fruit for breakfasts. I need to use up some of the blueberries in my freezer for these.

For lunches/dinners, I’m making spaghetti with veggie meatballs (have all the makings at home except parmesan cheese). I’m also making spinach salads with quinoa, dried cranberries, shredded carrot, broccoli, and pinto beans: using several items I have at home and surplus ingredients from the breakfast bars. I also got some fancy Trader Joe’s truffle brownie mix in my Christmas stocking so I’ll make that for a treat.

So here is the grocery list, including other staples I’m in need of this week. Weekly budget is $40, as decided before. Now, I may be able to get some bargains within this, but I estimated on the high end for now:

Grated Parmesan (real stuff) - $4.00
Broccoli (small head) - $1.50
Carrots (2lb – I’ll use them and they keep) - $2.50
Dried Cranberries - $2.50
3 apples - $2.00
Steel-cut Oats - $2.00
Basmati Rice (ran out in the pantry) – 1.50
Saltines - $1.00
Toilet Paper - $2.50
Apple Cider Vinegar - $1.50
8 Bananas - $3.00
1 other piece of fruit for yogurts - $1.50
Baking Soda (Big Box) - $1.50
Cat Food - $8.00
Soy Milk (2) - $5.50
Large Plain Yogurt (organic) - $4.00

Total: $44.50

Hmm. Well, these estimates are all on the high side. I’ll get better at the price estimates, but I’d rather estimate too high than too low right now for planning. I’m certain can keep myself in budget and still have great meals for the week with a few minor adjustments, and depending what’s on sale.

2007-01-11T07:27:00.000-08:00

'Tis a gift to be simple, 'Tis a gift to be free
'Tis a gift to come down where we ought to be
And when we find ourselves in that place just right
We will be in the valley of Love and delight.

When the true simplicity is gained
To bow and to bend, we’ll not be ashamed
To turn and to turn it will be our delight
'Till by turning and turning we come 'round right.

I love this old Shaker hymn. It’s catchy and has a lilting melody too, so I often catch myself singing it around the house.

Odd week, this one so far. In moving toward simplicity, I feel right now like when Jesus went out in the desert to fast and discern, and suddenly temptation was everywhere. Everywhere I see things, or think of things I want to buy, none of them needed, and none of them even really wanted.

At the same time, I want to do another purge on the house again even though I just did one about ten days ago. I’m inspired to go practically Spartan – by some people’s standards, they may wonder if I’m getting ready to commit suicide – you know how some suicidal people give away all their stuff before they do it?

Nothing could be further from the truth. Overall, I’m happy. And looking forward to luxuriating in all the SPACE made for more important pursuits.

Maybe I should just call it "Zen" rather than "Spartan." And I'd say the house is more "elegant," really, the less stuff I have. Once I find some creative ways to frame a few posters and things I have for the walls, but had never put up, the rooms will look elegant indeed.

And so another layer of the onion shall be peeled.

Now if only that one little devil would get off my one shoulder and stop telling me “Buy, buy!” Get thee behind me!

Managing Food Spending

2007-01-10T08:20:00.000-08:00

I’ve been doing quite a bit of reading lately between discussions in The Compact Yahoo group and other thrifty sites regarding how to eat best for the least money. There are the people who shop the sales and coupons, but they tend to buy a lot of stuff that I don’t want to eat. Coupons are mostly for pre-packaged unneeded crud, and I want to eat the highest-quality food that I can for my money. I always take the Iams coupons from my mom though.

For example, there were lots of tips on “The Hillbilly Housewife,” some of which were good but she recommends things like instant mashed potatoes and instant milk. These processed foods are so denuded of nutritional value that they are simply not something I’ll buy, since I’m lucky enough to own a refrigerator and also get to my grocery store every week. I’m not stuck snowed in for weeks on the prairie. I’d love to find some more sites that talk about whole foods (not the store) eating on a budget.

I initially thought about trying to work my grocery spending down to $30 a week. I’ve been learning quickly that any week I need a cleaning supply, or cat food, or shampoo – which I need something like that almost every week - that I have difficulty sticking to that number. I know that I can do better, but for now I will try to work with $40 per week to cover those kinds of incidentals that always come up. I can work to improve more eventually, but let’s see if I can maintain this first. I used to spend $60-70+ per week, with plenty of waste going into the trash, so this is progress.

I also saw many cute websites with cute meal plans that gave the family something different to eat every night and full hot breakfasts every day, and that’s nice for some people. But I’m single, I work full-time with an hour commute each way, and have several activities I’m involved in outside of work. I cook on the weekend and eat for the week.

So Friday night is grocery shopping. The idea is that I want to shop the perimeter of the store as much as possible – raw materials – and buy as little processed, packaged stuff as possible. Rice, beans, pasta, cheese, yoghurt, soy milk, and some cereal and bread are staples for me, but the lion’s share of the shopping will be fresh fruits and veg.

If I plan my meals well enough, I will buy only the fresh foods I will actually eat, so I should be able to remain in budget and also stop wasting food. This is new for me to take it down to such a granular level, so it will be interesting to see how it goes – where challenges occur, etc.

I should really start looking at some recipes to see what I want to eat next week… Perhaps I’ll post the menu when it’s decided. I know you shiver with anticipation…

Garden Planning Time!

2007-01-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, it’s that time already! I need to map out my veg and herbs for the deck, and also my attempt to xeriscape my front yard. Planning well now = fewer impulsive purchases in the Garden Center later. I can't tell you how much I love growing my own food - the connection to the process, understanding the time it takes and knowing what goes into it (and controlling what goes into mine specifically) makes me appreciate my food so much more. And even just doing containers on the deck, I still grew about 1/4 of my own vegetables for the year.

I still have seeds from last year for most of the veg, though there are a couple things I will buy starts on because of the small number I need. Anything I start from seed needs to be outside in the mini-greenhouse so the cats don’t eat it, so that limits some space I have to do things. I will likely buy starts for the two roma tomato plants I want (2 disease-resistant plants this year rather than 3 not-so-hardy like last year), and for the one eggplant (1 this year rather than 2 like last year – I couldn’t eat the volume produced). I don’t mind spending $5.25 to eliminate 6-8 weeks of work on those.

I will be doing more carrots this year though, and two zucchini plants (no yellow squash this time – I didn’t really eat it last year). But no cauliflower again – oh the agony, and it didn’t even work. Way too much pest control for what I’m willing to do, and I’d have only had three heads even if it had worked. I am looking forward to more lettuce and spinach, and some kale or chard – I might do a large “salad bowl” container by itself. I’ll do sugar snap peas again and possibly one cuke vine. I want to try lemon cucumbers.

Some of those are spring/fall veg and some summer, so there will be staggered plantings and harvests. Some containers will be rotated when spring veg quit to make way for summer veg, and again when summer moves into fall, etc. Just need to plan what will go where… I’d love to start a couple container blueberry bushes too, but that might need to wait until next year. I was out of control last year because it was my first year and I wanted to try everything. This year I want to rein it in to only the amount I will actually use or preserve, and just as importantly, that I can manage to take care of with my schedule.

From last year, I still have some marinara sauce and plenty of pesto in the freezer. That’s been great. One of my containers this year is going to be the “sauce” container – one of the roma tomatoes in the center and raised, surrounded by basils and oreganos along the lower sides. Yum! Perhaps in ’08 I’ll even do garlic in there.

And there will definitely be more herbs – tea, medicinal, and culinary.

In the front yard, I have very difficult growing conditions. I’ve saved a web page at home that specifically deals with what types of plants grow in hot, dry shade underneath trees with invasive roots. YEAH!!! It will be different than the damp Japanese paradise I’d initially envisioned, but gardening’s easier when you don’t try to fight the conditions you have. There’s a great long list of plants on that page, but no pictures, so I’ll have to look them up individually. The main treat I really wanted though was a dwarf, 5’ Japanese Maple in a container, and I may still get that if I can afford it. If not, then I’ll get it next year after the debt is gone. Thankfully, my yard is tiny (10’ X 10’ approx., with 4 small beds separated by gravel), so it won’t be as expensive to plant up as some others. So far I’ve just been “growing the soil.” I was going to dig in some more amendments to it this weekend now that I’ve cleaned up after the roofers, but it’s supposed to rain again… so I’ll just sit inside with that internet page and the plant porn.

Food is Essential

2007-01-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

I love food.

I am not ashamed of this. I love everything about food! It is one of the great pleasures of life. One of my goals this year relating to food, is not only to practice more moderation and eat healthier, but also not to waste food. Too much food is simply thrown away or wasted when there are hungry people who would love to have it. I am even becoming more conscious of how often I patronize restaurants, as I know how much is thrown away there. I always take my leftovers home when I do go, which is largely just special occasions now.

I cooked a ton yesterday. I am pleased however, that for the first time I can remember, all the produce in my house was either included or planned for eating this week so that I won't throw anything away but apple cores and banana peels! Were my compost bin not full, I'd compost them, but alas it is full for the moment.

On the menu for this week are the arroz con gondules (spanish rice and beans), into which I added a little tomato sauce, Sazon, tomatillos and onion. The cauliflower-zucchini-pea casserole came out great. I remembered while making the (lower-fat) cheese sauce that I still had some (lower-fat) spinach-cheese-mushroom filling left over from making manicotti at Christmas, so I took that out of the freezer and added it to the sauce. Terrific! The only issue was that I always forget it's impossible to make anything small when you have an entire head of cauliflower. Thankfully, a neighbor popped by and so I shared half my food with him and his wife - I still have enough to eat all week even after giving half to them!

After that I also prepped breakfast - I re-use the same old yogurt containers all the time, and this week refilled them with fresh yogurt from a big container, fresh blueberries and fresh mango. I'll take them to work every day with a little granola to add right when I want to eat. I've also got enough apples and bananas to complete the meal each morning.

Lastly, I prepared salads for the week using everything else I had left. So, the only thing I should have left at the end of the week produce-wise is 1/3 bag of spinach and 2 or 3 apples. Pretty good! I don't want to throw away perfectly good produce or food any more. I also like keeping my kitchen a little less stocked for a nuclear bomb scare than I used to - this way I see what I have and use it rather than creating more and more waste and "food clutter."

Here's hoping I can keep this up. It will be different this coming weekend to have to replace ALL of my produce though. I will need to plan next week's meals in advance of shopping, for sure, so I don't buy excess or buy the wrong stuff.

One thing I know I definitely want to do next weekend, is to patronize the new locally-owned NY pizza joint in town - I've heard it's very good, freshly homemade, reasonably priced ($10-$12 a pie), and I can freeze slices for the week. I usually get about 5 meals out of a large pizza, so that's pretty economical. I love pizza but hate Domino's and the like, so fresh NY pizza made by real Italian immigrants will be a treat! YUM!

Oh, hullo there, $480 car repair bill...

2007-01-06T10:06:00.000-08:00

No, I was not thrilled with that cost. However, it was transmission trouble and I'd had a scare in traffic this week, so I brought it in as soon as I could like they advise you to with transmissions. Good thing, too. The oxygen sensor and some other part I can't remember the name of (it's on the paperwork) were totally shot. But by getting them repaired now, I avoided worse (and possibly more expensive) trouble later. My car now drives like it did 40,000 miles ago - it's a beautiful thing. I want it to last eight more years.

I'm sure I could have compacted better and tried to get used parts, but this particular item was a real safety issue and I do not have alternate forms of transportation available to me here to be able to delay the repair. I'm not sure how people have the time to spend sourcing parts from the junkyard when it's a situation like that. Seriously, if people have ideas, I'd like to know them.

Thank God for my savings account. This does still alter a few plans though. Even though I sold the iPod I didn't need, I won't be buying the digital camera yet now. It's okay. I can wait until the state tax refund comes. The full federal refund is still going on the credit card, but the small state refund is going to be mine, I decided. Gotta live a little bit.

I got out of the grocery store today for $38.00 and lots of produce, so I'll be cooking curried cauliflower, zucchini and peas this weekend along with rice and beans. I also have everything for salads this week. I've noticed that if I don't pre-package meals for the week I won't eat healthy, so even though some prana is lost by cooking/chopping/preparing in advance, I eat healthier food that way than I would otherwise.

This week was a bear. Holy crap. It was crunch-time on a two-month work project I've been managing, and my brain is shot for at least another day. It was actually quite pleasant to read a book for three hours while I waited on my car repair, so I didn't mind that at all. I was reading "Slow is Beautiful" by Cecile Andrews - I'll post about that when I finish it. I also have out "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" (Doyle) from the library and I want to read a few of the stories this weekend. I just love murder mysteries.

Today I'm going to clean up my yard and my deck a bit, now that the roofers are done, but not going to commit to doing much else. Just some cooking. Next weekend I'll clean better inside the house. I'm trying to slow down a bit, and I'm tired from this week.

It's all within you

2007-01-02T06:54:00.000-08:00

The World's Most Unusual Therapist
by Dr. Joe Vitale, www.mrfire.com

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured acomplete ward of criminally insane patients--without ever seeing anyof them. The psychologist would study an inmate's chart and then lookwithin himself to see how he created that person's illness. As heimproved himself, the patient improved. When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. Howcould anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane? It didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical, so I dismissed the story.

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho 'oponopono. I had neverheard of it, yet I couldn't let it leave my mind. If the story was atall true, I had to know more.

I had always understood "total responsibility" to mean that I amresponsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it's out of myhands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We're responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility. His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talkingon our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist.

He explained that he worked at Hawaii StateHospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.

Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal."

After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were beingallowed to walk freely," he told me. "Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed." I was in awe." Not only that," he went on, "but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work. Today, that ward is closed."

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: "What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?" "I was simply healing the part of me that created them," he said. I didn't understand. Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life - simply because it is in your life--is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life. This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy--anything you experience and don't like--is up for you to heal.

They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to change them, you have to change you. I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr.Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho 'oponopono means loving yourself.

If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone--even a mentally ill criminal--you do it by healing you. I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing,exactly, when he looked at those patients' files? "I just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' over and over again," he explained. That's it? That's it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, your improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent mean email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len's method. I kept silently saying, "I'm sorry" and "I love you," I didn't say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance. Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized forhis previous message. Keep in mind that I didn't take any outward action to get that apology. I didn't even write him back. Yet, by saying "I love you," I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

I later attended a ho 'oponopono workshop run by Dr. Len. He's now 70 years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive. He praised my book, The Attractor Factor. He told me that as I improve myself, my book's vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve.

"What about the books that are already sold and out there?" I asked."They aren't out there," he explained, once again blowing my mind with his mystic wisdom. "They are still in you."In short, there is no out there.

It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you. "When you look, do it with love."

This article is from the forthcoming book "No Limits" by joe Vitale and Dr. Len

Happy New Year 2007!!!

2007-01-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

I meant to get up very early this morning but did not rise until 8:30. Oh well. As part of keeping my New Year's Intentions, I got up off my ass and got to the park for a 5k walk.

In October 2005 I was in such good shape that I walked my first half marathon, but sad to say, 2006 was not so good. I went through some major life changes that I reacted to by going practically sedentary (aerobics-speaking) and drowning my sorrows with two blokes called Ben and Jerry. Well, I'm still in a state of transformation, and I did grow in many other ways last year, but it's time to get off me bum and treat my body as I should again. A nice side effect of this (I hope) will be that I'll lose the 25 pounds I gained, even if it takes the whole year to do it.

This morning's walk had two purposes - to break the cycle of inertia, and to establish some baselines so I can measure progress in my new-old habit. 3.2 miles in 50 minutes - over 17 minutes per mile (mpm), but on the bright side I did not get as winded or pained as I thought I would during my first walk in literally ages. It helped also that the cold rain of the last few days has broken and it is gorgeous and sunny out today!

I've decided, now that I remember how good I feel after I exercise, that I need to start getting 30 minutes a day at least. I feel so much better when I do. If I hadn't started teaching yoga this past year, I think I'd have been 100% sedentary, so I'm grateful for that.

One expense I actually added this year was to join the new Gold's Gym opening by me. It opens in two weeks (finally!). Because I joined in the first wave of charter members, I had no joining fee and have a discounted lifetime rate of $26/month that never goes up and no contract after the first year (I got that all in writing). Considering I can take unlimited classes there and they have a wide range of equipment and extensive hours, that's a pretty good deal. My goal is to get there for at least 45 minutes 3 mornings a week, because I can shower there and head straight to work after.

For my health, I find this an acceptable thing to build into the budget, especially since I'll be saving some in other areas.

In other news, I did some reading about water conservation in the garden, and it appears that for my front yard it will save water and be more efficient if I put in a couple of soaker hoses on a timer. I need to research how to buy this type of system discounted or used. It won't be subterranean - I just want to hook it to my spigot and then lay the hoses down to cover the right areas. As the plants grow in, the hoses won't be as visible. Any ideas where to buy this deeply discounted or used would be greatly appreciated!

Blessings to all in 2007!!! The year is what you make of it.

Hardiness zones have been changed

2006-12-31T12:27:00.000-08:00

Apparently they have changed the hardiness zones to reflect climate warming. I used to be zone 7a/b and am now definitely zone 8. That changes some planning, especially for the vegetables.

http://www.arborday.org/media/mapchanges.cfm

Good Will

2006-12-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

Everybody and their mother was at Good Will today, being the last day they take donations before year-end. It took me longer than expected to go through my house and box/bag everything up, but I donated half a car load and only put 1/2 bag of trash into the dumpster (some stuff was just naaaaaaaaasty). I have never seen so many people dropping stuff off at Good Will at the same time. Wow.

I know I could have probably purged a full car load, but everything has a place now, nothing is being kept in the middle of the floor anymore, and my cabinets, shelves, and drawers have plenty of room so I can actually see what's in there. I'll purge again in three months - I try to do a purge per season. Is it weird that I want to spend my New Year's Day deep-cleaning now that I got all that extra stuff out of the way? It's also time to finally paint the dining room so I can put those few things up on the actual walls. Sounds like a January project.

Tomorrow I'll be cooking as I just got back from the grocery store. It's time for some good rice and beans. $61.72 spent there - I meant to spend only $40, but I picked up a few things like shoe polish (to make my shoes last longer), a reusuable small travel cup for my lunchbox (so I can stop filling the landfill with juiceboxes), my face powder had run out, and some cleaning supplies. Necessities, but I'll do better next time.

I also started a bag of things to be mended. I hand-sew quite well, so I can rescue a few shirts and sweaters that have frayed at the collar but are otherwise still nice.

I was tempted (again) to go shop for other random stuff since I'm going on the down-low for 2007, but I resisted. Why does that urge come over me just at the time I'm trying to change my level of consumerism? Dang.

Found Predators

2006-12-30T06:45:00.000-08:00

The boys next door moved out a couple weeks ago. With the roofers here this week, they found the craziest thing and tossed it into my yard. Apparently da boyz left behind the freakiest looking white albino rubber alligator. Ooooohhhh creepy! Will edit and add photo once I borrow the camera from work.

As soon as I get some ferns or wild grass clumps planted in the bare front yard this spring, I think Albino Allie needs to be my new Garden Buddy. MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, the Budgeting. Calgon, Take me away!

2006-12-29T10:50:00.000-08:00

For 2007, as stated, I'm trying to minimize expenses and pay off debts. Thank God for my promotion or I don't know how I planned to accomplish all this, though I know I would have. It would have just taken a few more years. I've always dreamed of getting out of debt if I ever got more money, so today's the day to start. Here are my opportunities for improvement in 2007 after my budget analysis of the past few months:

Credit Card: $5600 in credit card debt. Oh, the humanity. Actually, oh the lean years followed by the stupid years. I just switched to a 0% promotional rate that lasts until March 2008, but my budget is currently set to have it paid off by the end of 2007 or sooner. I can't remember ever not having credit card debt - I can't wait! After the credit card debt is gone, I'll shift that money to add to the car payment on my 2002 Ford Focus, to own that outright by mid 2008.
Car Insurance: Could probably get lower next time renewal comes around in March.
Gasoline: I commute too far to my job, which uses a lot of gas, but I'm not changing jobs for at least a year at this point. If I do, it will only be to get one closer to home, because I love my job. Unfortunately, public transport in suburban Atlanta is not up to par with most of the civilized world yet. Blergh. In the next several years I'd love to move to a completely car-free lifestyle. Listing this as an opportunity because I'd like to work at least one day a week from home if I can convince my boss.

But, if I want to pay all my crap off, I have to economize in other areas to make the large CC payments. The areas of flexibility right this minute are internet and cable TV.

I'm not getting rid of the TV. I am not a martyr, nor am I trying to get on "1800 House" or whatever that show is. After 9/11, I feel the need to at least be able to get basic news and emergency information from it, and besides that I love PBS.

But, in order to lower those bills, I wanted to go down to super-basic cable, which would be $20/month (down from $55), and use the hell out of Netflix for anything else. I looked at my library for video, but their selection sucks ass at this point. Maybe later if they improve. I do use the library rather than buying many books anymore though, and have thus ended my Barnes & Noble addiction.

As well, when I moved here I made a really dumb move and got internet through the phone company, which required me to pay for an active land line even though I use my cell phone exclusively. So, $75 every month to get online. Hello, Stupidity. Who invited you in here? I had a one-year contract with them which is thankfully now over. FORK YOU, BELLSOUTH.

So today, between "5 and 7pm," I'm getting cable internet ($19.99 first six months, $42.95 thereafter), which saves me $30+ per month for broadband internet even after the special is over. But, in order to get the special, I have to keep the $55/month cable for the duration of the promotion. Damn cable company! They don't want to let you save the maximum amount possible. Bastards. *shakes fist*

So, for the first six months of 2006, my internet + cable bill will be reduced by $55.00. After the promo is over, the bill will remain the same except the proportions covering cable vs. internet will switch because I'll drop the extra channels and change the Netflix. If I still have the willpower in July. *shuffles feet*

Well, saving $55.00 a month is still a start though. Right?

Onto the grocery bill. I was doing well there for a while but got off track for a few weeks.

Fresh Carrots in December!!!

2006-12-28T15:09:00.000-08:00

They're putting new roofs on our homes here, and since I've been working just half days this Christmas week I was home when they got close to doing my place. I went out back to do the last of the garden clean-up I've been putting off so I could cover everything while they worked, and this included pulling out the last of the sad-looking carrots that I'd planted too late. I have four 3' long and 14" deep planters that I fill with staggered carrot plantings. Well, the tops may have looked sad, but underneath were the prettiest carrots I've ever seen! I had about two cups' worth ranging from tiny little nubs to six-inch beauties. Who'd have thought I'd have a carrot harvest right before New Year!

After washing them and trimming away the greens (and eating a few carrots), I made the tastiest Carrot-Ginger-Peanut soup I've had in ages. When you eat carrots within hours of harvest, you don't even have to peel them. The skins only get tough after they've been out of the ground a while. Carrots straight out of the ground put carrots from the grocery store to shame.

Here's the recipe for the soup, but adjust everything to your taste. Cooking is not an exact science in my kitchen, more a matter of improvisation.

Carrot-Ginger-Peanut Soup

Bring 2 cups vegetable broth to the boil. Add a dash of salt. Put in 1 1/2 cups of cleaned and chopped carrots, the freshest you can find, as well as 2 tsp. fresh minced ginger and 1 small apple, cubed. Boil for 20 minutes or until soft. Add 3 tbsp. fresh ground peanut butter (real peanut butter made from peanuts only - none o' that Jif or Skippy crap). Boil 2 or 3 more minutes until the peanut butter softens. Pour all into blender and puree. Eat with a nice piece of crusty bread.

YUM!

Bit of Background

2006-12-28T08:44:00.000-08:00

Who I am: I am a Marketing Account Manager during the day. I was just promoted so part of my focus will be to use my new raise wisely and with gratitude, and not to do anything stupid with it. I want to increase my giving and also get rid of my unhealthy debt once and for all, among other things. One of my focuses in this blog will be about Simple Living, not just for frugality and budgeting’s sake (though that is a focus for 2007), but so that I may be a good steward of all the blessings and resources I’ve been given, share them, and work to tread lighter on the planet.

I am a Christian and I teach yoga at my church – so my philosophy is a bit Merton-esque in its blend of Eastern and Western thought. I am decidedly a disciple of Jesus, but definitely not right-wing. I find that my faith is informed and broadened the more I learn from wise people of any faith or culture. Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa are both great influences of mine. “Live simply that others may simply live.” “Be the change that you want to see in the world.”

As of last year I am a gardener, which has been a wonderful addition to my life not only because I can eat the rewards, but because of how it has informed my spirituality and deepened my connection to the earth and the miracle of life. I live in a 1974 2-bedroom townhouse that I bought last year, which sits on a pretty lake, and my “extensive” (ha-ha) vegetable and herb garden is all in pots on my deck. I also have a tiny enclosed front yard that is 100% shade (one big tree shades the whole thing), and this year I’m going to try and xeriscape it so that I can have lovely plant arrangements out there which use as little water as possible. Research is in progress.

Homeownership has completely put me in a homesteading frame of mind, and I have taken up crafting and this year I want to learn to knit. As much as I will work toward frugality and curbing spending as much as possible, this year I do plan to make two special purchases (new). One is a digital camera for my very own, and the other is a sewing machine. I’ve been shopping for the best value on both of those for some time, and should be able to take care of both in the first six months of this year.

As far as the rest of my stuff, I am looking very much to pare down and am going through regular purges. When I do need things, I shop second-hand like it was an Olympic sport, but the goal is to buy less, need less, and consume less as a lifestyle change. At Christmas this year I was especially aware of how much stuff is completely unnecessary. I plan to simplify my wardrobe down to classic pieces that will wear well for many years, and otherwise to get rid of any superfluous items that distract from spiritual and other pursuits or are simply unnecessary.

Please comment if you would like to participate on this blog. I am making up my mind whether to keep it a personal blog or to make it more a communal place for a group. Blessings!

Preparing for Launch

2006-12-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, Earthlings.

I’ve decided to launch a new blog for 2007. It begins with my New Year’s Intentions, which are as follows:

Pay Mindful Attention.
Practice Mindful Generosity.
Practice Mindful Moderation.

Clearly, these intentions can encompass pretty much anything you might make a New Year resolution about – get in shape, get finances in order, save the world - but I’ve decided to boil it down to these three positive intentions. They are broader and at the same time allow me some room for flexibility, and room to forgive myself when I screw up (see #2). They are also simple enough that I can keep them in the front of my mind at all times. Hey, I think I just found my meditation focus for 2007.